High school debate musical

I can hardly wait for the veep debate Thursday night. Just think about it - Joe "Foreign policy smackdown" Biden goes head-to-head with Sarah "Clueless" Palin in the only debate they'll have.

Both, naturally, are behind cloistered doors preparing for the national spotlight. While Biden is no doubt thumbing through books he's written to bone up for the big event, Palin's handlers are force feeding her facts, numbers and probably neural implants to make sure she's ready.

Will she know kung fu by the time the curtain rises? We'll see. I, however, would like to use this time to posit a few questions I have of the vice presidential candidates:

1) As vice president, what purpose other than sitting around waiting for the president to die would you serve? Should the vice president do anything other than waiting to step up to the plate if needed? Why?

2) Why should I base who I vote for off of what some veep candidate believes? I mean, really, does the fact that my guy might die in office mean we should pay attention to you? Are your stances so frighteningly abhorrent that I should carefully study your policies? Whatever.

3) Do you know where I can score some pot? (to Palin only).

Will questions such as these be answered? Stay tuned.

Down doobie-do down down

I think it was last week in this space where I crawled up on my soapbox and essentially said taxpayers needed to lay off the lawmakers who had to make a decision about the $700 billion bailout of Wall Street.

Hey, I understand why you guys wouldn't listen. I'm upset like everybody else, but I need to emphasize here - these people up in D.C. are dealing with sums most people can't comprehend. Voters get upset about something they can't understand, call their congressman and start griping.

And here's what ya get, heroes - what Yahoo! news is describing as a 777-point stock carnage. No deal happened Monday, and people are running scared. Bush's economic wizards portend doom if nothing happens, and folks like you and me are calling our representatives about taxpayer money being used to bail out the fat cats.

It sucks, I know. But this is really a case of cutting off your nose in spite of your face. Are we so self-loathing that we'd risk a recession, a depression, some sort of horrific economic debacle because we hate the idea of the ultra-rich becoming ultra-richer?

Debating and arguing over political issues such as abortion, same-sex marriages and prayer in school is one thing. What happened Monday is something completely different. Now we've got House members frightened of keeping their jobs through January, and that might mean even more of us don't get to keep ours past next year.

When dinosaurs attack

There's a certain amount of glee that arrogant, pouty 20-somethings get when it comes to the old media. Us dinosaurs, newspapers, just don't get it and never will. Thus delegated to the lichyard of history, newspapers are on the way out, replaced by such monoliths as (gasp) the Internet.

Yeah, cause random Web sites are such a great source of journalism. Laugh if you must (and some of you must), but newspapers are still it when it comes to providing the best news in the best format, whether it's online, on paper, or devilishly crafted into your dreams as you sleep.

Look at this winner, Daily Kos, current-day champion of everything loopy liberal. They sure caught Sarah Palin with their excerpt from an interview conducted by Katie Couric:

"Incidentally, we confirmed Henry Kissinger's position following our interview. He told us he supports talks, if not with Ahmadinejad, then with high level Iranian officials, without preconditions."

And here's Kissinger's remarks taken from a slightly better source, CNN:

"After Friday night's presidential debate, former Secretary of State Henry Kissinger defended Sen. John McCain's attack against Sen. Barack Obama for Obama's willingness to meet with the Iranian president 'without precondition.'"

"Sen. McCain is right. I would not recommend the next president of the United States engage in talks with Iran at the presidential level," Kissinger said in the statement.
"My views on this issue are entirely compatible with the views of my friend Sen. John McCain. We do not agree on everything, but we do agree that any negotiations with Iran must be geared to reality."

Sure, go to your Daily Kos' and your No Spin Zones and your Playboy magazines for news, 20-somethings. But if you want to get your news from reputable sources, maybe you should look at a newspaper - some of them are even familiar with this thing called the World Wide Web.

Isn't this a gas?

It's often been said that $700 billion is a lot of money. You could say even $1 billion is enough to get one person by for, oh, say a lifetime.

But what our government is talking about here is staving off a catastrophic financial meltdown by using this bailout cash to buy up bits of firms close to going belly up, stopping an ugly "R" word and thus saving the day.

With stuff like this, we really need to get beyond the political. Naturally, that will never happen when you're about six weeks away from a presidential election.

Congress and the powers-that-be are dealing with numbers most people can't count to and a situation so massive that Charles Atlas would have trouble getting his hands around it. The American people need to back off and let those who know what's going on do their jobs and, just maybe, save our economy from seppuku.

You don't have to trust the politicians; I sure don't. But in these times, Joe American looks pretty dumb putting his two cents in on this issue. Wait to do your whining on Nov. 4.

Wanna get high?

Sarah Palin does ... or at least she did. I haven't heard too much about her statement concerning her past marijuana use; I guess lipstick and seeing Russia from your home just make better jokes.

Fair enough, but she did admit to smoking a little pot back in the day. The quote: "Palin has said she smoked marijuana but didn't enjoy it and doesn't smoke anymore. " 'I can't claim a Bill Clinton and say that I never inhaled,' ” she told the Anchorage Daily News in 2006."

That story from CBSnews.com also says when Palin got a little high, it was under Alaska's liberal drug laws that allowed it, which have since changed. My question is, is it still legal?

I did some checking with our friends at NORML, which claims possession of less than an ounce of pot (that's a little more than lid for you old timers) carries no penalty.

Yeah, maybe NORML isn't the best source, but there's some contradictory information out there.

Checking the Alaska code, I learned that: "Marijuana is a schedule VIA controlled substance" and that if you've got less than 1/2 ounce (a little less than a lid), then you're guilty of a Class B misdemeanor, which appears to be the least illegal thing someone can do.

Not sure how much time that'll get you in a cold Alaskan prison, but I doubt it's that much. If smoking dope is indeed illegal in the Great White North, as it appears it is, then I'm guessing it's going to stay that way under a McCain/Palin administration.

Because, remember folks, the bong song is the wrong song.

Politician bites dog

Um, yeah. Maybe you haven't the seen the picture next to these words before. I hadn't until recently. Thankfully, a coworker strolled by my desk with a McCain dog collar, prompting me to see how low this political season has sunk.

Needless to say, it's pretty hot at the bottom of this hole.

The question, naturally, is do we need to use our pets as another method of expressing our politics? Aren't yard signs enough? Maybe, and this is crazy, you could donate some of your money or even your time on a candidate's campaign. Is it absolutely necessary to dress up your dog in a costume and parade them down to the park where everyone will know where your pooch stands on the Second Amendment?

Of course, I now secretly want a picture of two dogs fighting while wearing those shirts, each supporting a different candidate. Just think, you could get 12 such pictures and make a calendar...

Isn't that terrible? You know somebody's planning that right now. Can't we discuss real, valuable issues vital to our republic instead of playing dress up?

Answer: No. We are capitalists above all else, and if Fido has to pay the humiliating price, so be it. It could be argued that the talking heads on television have less to say than the dog pictured above. At least he's brief - a walking, barking bumper sticker - a testament to American politics in the 21st century.

A well-played race card

Sunday - a day when the average American can kick back and read the analytical news pieces some hard working reporter has spent his week sweating over. This Sunday's reading: how racial views could impact the presidential election and potentially cost Barack Obama the White House.

Well, no surprises here - there are still people in America whose votes are swayed by the color of one's skin. They're also swayed by gender, religion and a general sense of how close the candidate's views resemble the voter's.

But this is a bit more insidious, suggesting that Obama's race could be the deciding factor in what costs him the campaign. Words such as "violent" and "lazy" pop up in the survey, revealing that America still has its fair share of bigots, or would-be bigots or maybe those guys who just lock their car doors when a black guy walks by and really doesn't have anything personal against Obama.

" 'We still don't like black people,' " said John Clouse, 57, reflecting the sentiments of his pals gathered at a coffee shop in Somerset, Ohio."

Wow. Usually, comments like that are given anonymously. Anyways, that quotation from the story about this poll is likely heard across this country daily, though it's probably be whispered to one's friends instead of openly said to a reporter.

Or maybe instead of spoken, it'd be influential in which button is pressed come election day - and that's about as an anonymous comment as anyone in this country can make.

Righteous, wet outrage

For those of you keeping up with our Selma Watch, rejoice! The Selma Waterworks and Sewer Board has decided to obey the law! And, in addition, they also want to have the appearance of doing the right thing by lowering their absolutely absurd salaries down to something that resembles what public servants should actually make.

You might ask yourself, why should you care about this flyover city? Well, I'd answer that something like what this water board has done for years could happen in any city. We all can look to Selma's situation, be very thankful it isn't us, laugh at them in a superior kind of way, and take note. This could happen anywhere:

Some members of the Selma City Council also serve on the water board, receiving sweet salaries. For example, the board chairman made almost $60,000 during the last fiscal year. Yeah, and they have to meet once a month, too! Sometimes twice!

The secretary/treasurer: more than $70,000. Someone who isn't in cahoots with the outgoing administration: $800 a month.

So, now that the legislature has passed a law, the chairman - who didn't win his bid for re-election - wants to be compliant. The chairman's salary will be $300 a month. Other members will get $200 each month.

OK, guys, did you really need a state law putting this in stone before you did the right thing? Roads in Selma are awful, there's no business, no industry, racial tensions are constantly high and you're swimming in the people's money.

J'accuse, water board. It's a good thing there's new blood coming into power this November.

Joe Biden eats ratsicles

Joe Biden, Democratic vice presidential pick, eats frozen rats. It's true, because I just wrote it here. But more on that later.

As you've noticed by now, most anyone can say what they want about someone on the national stage, regardless of how false it is. Or, if you want to be especially devious, you take something that's true and twist it to your own dark, malicious designs.

For example, Barack Obama's middle name is Hussein. For the casual conservative, his name would be written thusly: Barack Hussein Obama. For the more advanced, Barack HUSSEIN Obama.

It's just that easy. Obama shares a name with the fallen dictator of Iraq. Therefore, he is the anti-Christ. It took me less than five seconds to find the evidence online.

"1. He will come as a man of Peace (Obama promises peace in Iraq, defeat for the US).

2. (This is just silly. I deleted it).

3. He will come to deceive (Obama says he's a Christian but in fact he was born a Muslim, practices the Islamic religion, prays Friday’s facing Mecca).

4. He will make himself the most powerful man on earth, if elected.

5. He will try to destroy the Jewish People and Israel (Obama has said he loves the Arabs specially the Palestinians, hates Israel and Jews. Admires Hitler, Osama, etc.)

OBAMA’S GAME IS DECEPTION AND VIOLENCE A VOTE FOR OBAMA IS A VOTE FOR OSAMA AND KILLER ISLAM!!"

Now, this makes sense, doesn't it? Using this type of logic, we can deduce the following:

Sarah Palin kills caribou with her bare hands, owns more guns than Charlton Heston and supports forced pregnancies for fifth graders.

John McCain was a POW for 25 grueling years. He is now 178 years old and will likely live forever.

Joe Biden, a known carnivore, eats rats. Preferably kept in a cooler, put on a stick and covered with Ranch dressing.

Tina Fey for veep

Hey, you've seen it, you laughed the first time, you called a friend and had them google it - the SNL skit wherein "Sarah Palin" and "Hillary Clinton" appear together for a romp at the podium.

I'll admit it - it's funny. For the most part, SNL is lame, providing tepid skits that you can't remember the following Monday. But every now and then there's this great sketch that gets everybody talking. Could be about a guy who lives in a van down by the river, could be about a shark that wanders around on land.

Or it could be about an obscure governor lifted to the heights of national politics and a senator who touched those lofty clouds for, oh, such a fleeting moment.

Enjoy it one more time.

Hold me closer, Sarah Palin

Did ya read Froma Harrop's column in Sunday's Ledger? It's like she doesn't realize what politics is all about - winning. Here's an excerpt:

"Instead it was like old times on the George W. Bush polarization trail, where he would play one group of Americans off another. It was region against region, rural against urban."

Um, surprise? You know, something I never understood was people whining about class warfare being bad. Why should it be? If I'm poor, I detest rich people and seek to take their money from them to pay for social services, more than is arguably their share of taxes, etc. If I'm rich, I try to shelter my hard earned money into a place where the government can't get it, I try to cut social programs so as to give the government less reasons to take more of my money, etc., etc.

A fairly simplistic view, but I like to put things down where the goats can get it. So when Sarah Palin, head librarian, says "We grow good people in our small towns," everyone should get the picture. Small town folks are hard working, save their money and are good Americans. Obviously, they should vote Republican because McCain and Palin share those views.

It should also be noted, though, that what Palin left unsaid is people from big cities are Democrat leaning liberals who likely go to sex shows most nights where they discuss their plans for getting porn movies into your children's schools.

What's truth doesn't matter. Issues don't matter. Nothing matters except winning. That's an axiom you can hold close to your heart.

Sept. 11, 2001

Everyone's got a story about where they were on 9/11, right? This seems like as good as any spot to share mine.

As opposed to most people who experienced that day, it was around 10 p.m. when the Twin Towers fell for me. I was living in Japan at the time, and had just finished watching that awful Arnie movie, "The Sixth Day." I don't recommend it.

Right about when the credits ended, I got a text on my cell from a friend who said the towers had been hit. Shortly afterward, I got another message saying some 10,000 were dead.

I can't imagine what it was like that day in America, when everyone was glued to the TV trying to discover as much information as they could. Getting that same information half a world away was near impossible. I didn't have a TV that could give me English subtitles, so I got all my news from friends who did have those TVs. And, obviously, their news wasn't exactly spot on.

I read two English language newspapers when I lived in Japan. One of them didn't even have the news of 9/11 until two days after. And even then the photo on A1 was in black and white. I was only one of two Americans in the school where I taught, so my Japanese students kept asking me for days how the event affected me, if I knew anyone in New York, how it would change the whole country.

I hadn't been in America for eight months when the towers fell. I wouldn't return for another year. What would you have said?

Outrage? Anger? Foolishness? Oh, yeah

"Obama appeared outraged at the McCain campaign's outrage."

This is one of the best lines out of a news story I've seen in a while. It's from this story off of Yahoo! News, one of my regular stomping grounds. What, I'm expected to read news from Fox? Please.

So, the whole story's pretty much a tongue-in-cheek look at the faux outrage the various presidential campaigns pass out on a daily basis. Obama's sexist because he made a "lipstick on a pig" statement. McCain doesn't know about the common man, because he can't even remember how many houses he has. That makes Obama weep for our country's future - and get a little outraged.

This story has pointed out the lipstick-wearing elephant that's been in this room for a while - politicians are full of it, they're not like you and me and the ones prancing about the national stage are about as fake as Eliot Spitzer's wedding vows. Surprise! This is all a game and only one team can win. And it's all about winning; nothing else matters.

I would say that you could change all this by getting out to vote, but I'm not going to lie to ya. You came here for the Faux Spin Zone.

Third parties don't count

Sorry if you've been spending all your free time campaigning for a third party candidate higher than the county commission. It's just not going to happen. Sure, they make for good spoilers every eight years or so on the national level, but for the most part, these cute little wannabe parties are just something to snicker at.

The system's just not built for these guys. You're not hearing about anybody other than Obama, McCain and Palin. Even Biden isn't getting a lot of face time right now. When was the last time you saw a story about Cynthia McKinney's run for office? Or what about Ralph Nader? Isn't he on a ballot somewhere? Bob Barr? Are you there? Bueller?

I don't even know why they bother. Some fatalistic response to a bitterly divided two-party system? They've just got too much time to burn? I honestly wish I could help them. Sure, we all need hobbies, but there's got to be something better to do on a Saturday afternoon than make campaign calls for the local Green Party candidate. Join a gym or something.

Ministry of Silly Signs

Nothing really new here, but I thought I'd share. People across the country pull stunts like this during every election season and local folks are no different. I saw this beauty last week while driving to work. Enjoy.

Pork ... and beans

Add this to the list of DO NOT when campaigning for president: Talk about congressional earmarks.

McCain, Palin and Obama are flagrantly breaking this rule right now, getting into an argument over who's better at not being an evil Washington bureaucrat whose job it is to get largess back to their constituents.

Stop it. This happens every time there's an election, and plenty of politicians get on their far-too-high horses when they talk about how terrible, horrible and just plain wrong earmarks are.

Ya know what? They're really not so bad. What's bad is when your representatives get high and mighty and refuse to get them. That means you, the viewing public, aren't getting any of Washington's goodies while others do. I want the sports arenas, money for infrastructure and pretty much all the filthy lucre I can get from D.C. Don't you?

Because, seriously people, earmarks aren't going away. I don't care how much Congress talks trash about them or how often some random president decries their existence. When you look at America's budget as a whole, earmarks are small. When you look at how powerful they are and the influence that can be peddled with them, you're looking at a great tool to win friends.

And that's not going anywhere, no matter who wins in November.

Hold my hand

I don't think I'm really stretching out on a limb here to say that Sarah Palin has effectively taken headlines, shaken them madly and told them who's boss. It's her. Everyone here in the MSM has been writing wildly about her, her daughter, her daughter's baby's father and pretty much everything else including her stint as a beauty queen and her alleged ties to an Alaskan Independence movement.

But what has the media really told you about Palin that's of substantive value? Yeah. Not too much. We could expect the MSM to hold our hands and lead us through Palin's history and her positions on various political platforms, but why when we can do the job ourselves?

That's why I encourage the knowledgeable consumer of political news to check out http://www.ontheissues.org/. Their main page has all the big players up at the top, though you can search for such luminaries as Cynthia McKinney if you really want.

Want to know Palin's take on abortion? Every baby is created with a future and potential. (Aug 2008). How about same-sex rights? Ok to deny benefits to homosexual couples. (Aug 2006). No spousal benefits for same-sex couples. (Jul 2006). Top priorities include preserving definition of "marriage". (Jul 2006). What about smoking a little dope? Smoked marijuana when it was legal under Alaska law. (Aug 2006).

Who knew? And maybe more importantly, who knew it was once legal to get high in Alaska?

Watching the talking heads on TV is fun for a while, but all they mainly do is regurgitate tired rhetoric we've already heard countless times. This Web site is a great resource for finding out what candidates stand for and learn it from their own mouths or voting records.

Now you know, and knowing is half the battle.

When McCain talks, people vaguely listen

Ya gotta love this story about how Sarah Palin is preparing for the speech of her life. In it, McCain loudly denounces the "faux media scandal" that he said is designed to besmirch Palin. I'm in awe that he deigned to use a French word. Sorry, a freedom word.

" 'This nonsense is over,'" senior campaign adviser Steve Schmidt declared in the statement" the story on Yahoo! news states.

Wow. You must respect the power to completely shut down the media. I bet Nixon wish he could have done that during the Watergate days. "You know, guys, this whole investigation was fun at first, but it's gone on long enough. Stop the nonsense." He would have breezed his way through two complete terms. If only he knew.

McCain and his cronies' attempts to stop the media from digging is slightly naive. His camp told her that the delving into her personal life would be something she couldn't possibly prepare for and now they demand the media back off? Please. Welcome to the big league, we're not in Alaska anymore, you mess with the moose, you'll the horns; whatever dumb little saying you choose, it's all the same - questioning her credentials, her husband's ties to an Alaskan independence movement, her daughter's pregnancy, the father's MySpace page, all of it is fair game.

I'm looking forward to her speech tonight. Hope we're allowed to quote from it.

I'm from Alabama, so I can say "redneck"

The media is having a field day with the newly unveiled "Levi Johnson - father of Bristol Palin's unborn child." Hey, why shouldn't they? This is news, it's fun, people will read about it, talk about it at the water cooler, maybe even put some quarters in a machine and buy some papers.

So to those who think we should give this family their privacy and gracefully back away from their personal issues, kiss off. Welcome to the real world. Sometimes, it hurts.

On to the pain:

Ya gotta love the wannabe logic from this hack, who coyly suggests it's OK for a redneck to call himself a redneck, but wonders what the public's excuse is for doing the same. Yawn. I've heard this kind of argument before: You claim to be a progressive liberal, yet you're just as small minded as all the rest. Sure, there are plenty of small minded liberals who think themselves superior to those who don't share their opinions. I'm still going to call the guy a redneck.

And, just sometimes, a joke that you find horribly offensive is still really funny. Most people don't like being told something's off limits, especially in the political arena. People will attack Michelle Obama, they will slap McCain around for his age and the daugther of Sarah Palin is going to take a beating for being an unwed mother.

So, welcome to the national arena Levi. And, yes, guns are welcome at the RNC.

Palin pregnancy power!

Sorry I haven't posted in a while. I was off drinking beer in Atlanta and wearing silly costumes, kind of like attending a national political convention.

And, of course, I take a few days off to have some fun and what happens? Sarah Palin, the hottie Alaska governor, gets the veep nod from McCain, gets accused that her newborn son is actually the son of her 17-year-old daughter, refutes those claims, admits that the same daughter - Bristol - is pregnant and unwed, and that the kid will marry the father, who describes himself on MySpace as a *&%@& redneck."

You can't make this stuff up.

But wait, it gets better, because Palin is in the party of telling unwed teenagers that premarital sex is bad. It's even part of their platform. The only natural thing to do in this situation is to close ranks around Palin and her family, loudly declare that they're proud she's decided to have the kid and virtually demand that the media give them the privacy they so richly deserve.

Really? It appears that Bristol did have sexual relations with that redneck. We threw away privacy for family members with the impeachment of Bill Clinton. Chelsea deserves questions about how her father's infidelities affect her mother's campaign and Palin and McCain deserve, and will receive, questions about Bristol.

But seriously, what did you think the Republicans were going to say? "Bristol has betrayed our trust and we disown her?" During the convention? Get that girl an au pair from England and lets roll on to Nov. 4!

Rednecks are welcome.