Sunday, February 1, 2009

"You save, economy suffers"


Yah, that's the headline right now - about 5:26 p.m. EST - at the top of the page of foxnews.com. What does something like that tell the casual reader, a message such as "You save, economy suffers."

Well, it sends the message that you're a bad person for even thinking about putting some of your money away for a rainy day, even if times are economically tough. Because you're thinking about yourself and selfishly pondering the bleak future of your children, our American economy cries in a dark corner and wishes you'd spend some money at Old Navy.

So, what's the answer to get slacker Americans out of their homes and into the shopping aisles? The story doesn't give one. It's just basically one long whine-fest with quotes from people in the know peppered in.

Because the reporter couldn't be stuffed to find some people to give friendly advice, I'll do so for him. Take note: here's how to get Americans shopping again -

Give us free money. About five grand a person should do.

Riverboat casinos. Make sure you include comps for the buffet.

Cheaper prices at the movie theater. Otherwise, I'll continue downloading copies of "Sex and the City" with someone coughing throughout the whole thing.

Change the official name of American currency to "Funbucks." Easy to spend, and more fun, too.

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