President Barack Obama signed into law today the $787 billion stimulus package which supposedly will save the economy, create lots of jobs and set America back on the path to prosperity. However, it's a tricky bit of legislation and not everyone is up to slogging through the infinite number of pages that make it up.
That's why we've included a handy FAQ about the stimulus, which we hope will answer any nagging questions you have about this mammoth undertaking. Enjoy.
Q: What will the stimulus do?
A: The stimulus, though a precise plan of enacting tax breaks and targeted public spending, will make everything OK forever. Starting Feb. 17, you will never have to worry about money again. Just sit back, relax and have a fizzy drink. By the way, you're welcome.
Q: That kind of sounds like BS. Really, how is this going to help me?
A: Listen, peon, this thing is so complex you couldn't possibly get your puny brain around it. I suggest keeping your mouth shut and letting the big boys handle the major league stuff.
Q: You're spending my money! You know, it's this kind of arrogance that gets political leaders kicked out of office. Take my cash, spend it and don't tell the taxpayer anything. Who do you think you are?
A: We're the government. Now shut up, sit down and stop asking questions or you'll find yourself getting audited for the next decade, fan boy.
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