If you're reading this, McCain has recently lost the presidential election and you're probably feeling a little blue. This missive is intended to cheer you up, and turn that sense-of-entitlement frown upside down!
Don't think of Obama's win as a negative. Instead, it's an opportunity to attack the new president for the next four years! Remember - it's patriotic to smear the president when he's a Democrat! Republicans still retain their stranglehold on defining patriotism, and especially picking out who's a true "patriot" and "American." That should make those sweet, sweet tears of defeat taste a little less bitter!
Also, don't toss away fear as an essential tool in bending voters to your will. Fear was your greatest ally from 2002-2004 and only started losing its saber edge in the past few years. Concepts such as "hope," "change" and "civil rights" are mere catchphrases that will wither as the years pass. Hold onto your xenophobia, your distrust of the lower classes and your general distaste for anyone who doesn't have a fanatic devotion to your beliefs. You'll be the better conservative for it!
In closing, continue to wrap yourself in the American flag while denouncing those who don't agree with you, minorities and the French. Remember when we renamed french fries "freedom fries?" Those were the days!
Sincerely,
The winners
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