Bwhahahahah!!!!!

Statements such as these are why I love politics:

"Asked about 2012, whether she was discouraged by daily attacks on the campaign trail and whether she would return home to Alaska, the Republican vice presidential nominee signaled that she expects to be a player in the next presidential election cycle.
"I think that, if I were to give up and wave a white flag of surrender against some of the political shots that we've taken ... I'm not doing this for naught," Palin told ABC News in a taped interview airing on Thursday."

Let's get something straight - if McCain loses on Tuesday, Palin will return to relative obscurity and likely lose her governor's seat when it comes up for grabs. She will disappear into a quaint history book and only return to newspapers for the marriage of a child, a divorce and an obituary.

If he wins, fair enough. She gets an office in the White House and pretty much a guaranteed shot at running for the presidency if McCain isn't booted out after a first term. And, of course, she's got a great shot at being president, since McCain is knock, knock, knocking on heaven's door.

But things aren't looking good for McCain right now, and talking about your future political dreams days away from Nov. 4 doesn't help. We've all read the stories about Palin going rogue. Ya think they would have gotten someone to talk to her about that by now.

Funny stuff

An unabashedly pro-Obama video with a tinge of nostalgia for all the old school kids. Enjoy.

Joe the Dumber

So, Joe the Plumber has finally come out and formally endorsed McCain.

Really? Wow. I didn't see this one coming. The guy gets famous by talking to Barack Obama at a rally and then morphs into this everyman figure that McCain adopts into his campaign strategy.

Not a bad move, actually. Who can't empathize with a regular Joe who works day in and out, just trying to make ends meet? Also, who can't feel the pain of a guy who doesn't have a license to do his job and owes the government some cash from a few years back?

But if this Everyman quotation is any indication of how the average American thinks, then I think we've got a problem with reality perception:

"In a McCain rally at a flag store, Wurzelbacher said he feared that Obama would turn the U.S. into a socialist nation."

Remember, he eats babies and he's a Muslim, too!

It's a good thing this election is almost over, because I know I'm not the only one tired of these pathetic attempts to smear "that one." Welcome to the land of Social Security, food stamps and the Division of Family and Children's Services. It's still an America founded on capitalistic values.

And no matter how thin ya slice it, Joe, it's still baloney.

Are you kidding me?

How dumb is this? Two kids with a screwed up belief system get some guns, get a plan to get more guns and have a wild fantasy about killing blacks before assassinating Barack Obama.

No, really, how dumb is this? Well, I'd say it's this dumb - they're going to federal prison for so long they won't remember what the sun looks like. How about this - they won't even remember how many copies of "American History X" they own.

These guys have truly redefined stupidity. Look, I can understand that different people have various beliefs and morals. Some of them are deemed detestable by society (cannibalism, white supremacy, fans of "The Real World"), so if you have them, you'd best keep your mouth shut.

What you don't do is come up with an idea an 8-year-old could poke holes through given five minutes of thought. "Um, won't going on a multi-state killing spree clue people into your whereabouts and lead police to you?"

Then again, perhaps we want our criminals stupid, so we can catch them easier. Smart criminals lead to longer crime sprees. These guys couldn't even get out of the starting gate.

Regardless of your political beliefs, that's a good thing.

And you might ask yourself ...

...where has Alan been for the past week? Well, I decided to take a break from blogging while taking a well-deserved rest in arid Las Vegas. Activities whilst in that hub of hubris include sitting at poker tables for hours, drinking yard-long drinks and watching cable news networks.

Watching the likes of CNN and Fox News isn't something I do while in Columbus, so I consider myself a bit of a cypher when it comes to the norm. Here's what I learned: The only worthy channel is CSPAN, when they point a camera at the well of the House or Senate and let it roll. Everything else is either shameless spin, people shouting at each other or the repetition of talking points that have already been drilled into everyone's collective head. All the same tired stories are repeated endlessly, and each particular network's slant is regurgitated on a timely 10-minute cycle.

So, what to do? As voters, I'd argue we should educate ourselves instead of letting talking heads do it for us. We can discover how a particular candidate votes, what his or her policies are and how they would affect us. We don't need a biased station telling us half truths or untruths. We get enough of that already.

The reason why Opus is leaving

I was stumbling around CNN's Web site tonight and found this stunner knee deep in a series of online updates:

"according to the pool report when Obama entered the restaurant a woman screamed “Socialist, socialist, socialist – get out of here!” The woman, 54 year-old Diane Fanning was admonished by other diners and one woman yelled back “at least he’s not a war-monger.”

Are you serious? Stuff like this really ticks me off. These types of crass, uncouth attacks by people who don't know a Democrat from Lenin aren't helping anybody. Instead, it makes me realize how God awful our national discourse has become.

Fanning obviously hasn't done her homework, because she doesn't know what Obama's tax plan is. She also needs to start reading Miss Manners and figure out where to get some of her own.

It's one thing to talk smack about a national politician when you're around the water cooler, but I would hope everyone could show some humanity when they meet them in person. We're all human, and that means you should treat them as such. CNN reported that Fanning wouldn't even shake Obama's hand.

Actions like that are why America's most beloved penguin won't be around for much longer.

The Al Smith dinner

Well, I missed it again. The annual Al Smith dinner, in honor of the late, great New York governor Al Smith, was held this past week and I was busy doing actual work instead of yukking it up with the haves and have-mores. Though I did miss the foie gras, I wanted to share a few zingers that I found particularly interesting.

From McCain:

'When a reporter asked him if Senator Obama was qualified to be president, Bill Clinton pointed out, sure, he's over 35 years of age and a U.S. citizen."

"...I understand that Keith Olbermann has ordered up his very own "mission accomplished" banner. And they can hang that in whatever padded room has been reserved for him. Seriously, Chris, if they need any decorating advice on that banner, ask Keith to call me so I can tell him right where to put it."
From Obama:

"It is an honor to be here with Al Smith. I obviously never knew your great grandfather, but from everything that Senator McCain has told me, the two of them had a great time together before Prohibition. So -- wonderful stories."

"But in the spirit of full disclosure, there are a few October surprises you'll be finding out about in the coming weeks. First of all, my middle name is not what you think. It's actually Steve. That's right. Barack Steve Obama."

Ba-da-bing!

But a little more seriously, I hunted down a few stories about the dinner and had difficulty finding a specific mention that it was for a Catholic charity. Is it deliberate, an honest mistake by the media? If I was writing the story, I think I'd include what type of charity it was for. Not like the cardinal decked out in red isn't a tip off, though...

Sex and the Mahoney

I was really going into withdrawal, what with the recent lack of sex in political news. I mean, Spitzer's pretty much over and done with; who knows if Ashley Alexandra Dupree (Miss Youmans if you're nasty) will ever appear on Girls Gone Wild. And what of John Edwards' mistress? And the love child? And a real news organization to find out all about it, such as the National Enquirer?

But here, in Democratic Rep. Tim Mahoney, I have a fix to my news need. And don't act all holy roller on me, either. You read these stories just as much as anybody.

Here's the skinny: Newb congressman gets busted for his affair with a staffer and paying her some hush money. Icing on the cake: He's the replacement for former Rep. Mark Foley, who sent all those texts to male pages. Mahoney campaigned on a family values, morals type of schtick, which I believe qualifies for the moniker of "ironic."

Chocolate syrup on the icing: this quote - "No marriage is perfect," Mahoney said, "but our private life is our private life."

Um, yeah, that would be true, unless you were a member of the House of Representatives. When you frequent certain coffee shops on a regular basis, have a special type of gin you prefer or enjoy Caribbean vacations, all of these will make the news. It's just fun, tidbit-type stuff people like to read about their politicians, but don't necessarily care about when it's just their neighbor.

So, when you sleep around on your wife, expect it to make the papers. If Mahoney had been in D.C. longer, he may have realized this aspect of public life. It doesn't look like he'll get the time to figure that out.

What's in a number?

I remember an NPR interview with Karl Rove just a few days before the 2006 midterm elections. Naturally, the just a teensy-bit liberal newscaster was talking about a number of polls that showed the Democrats taking the House that November, but Rove wouldn't have any of it. Acting a little snooty and very superior, he told the tweed-wearing NPR flak that he was watching very different polls. Polls, no doubt, that us unwashed heathens had no access to and couldn't possibly ever hope to locate. These vastly better polls told a different story of that November's winners.

Rove, God love him, was full of it and as the polls said the Democrats rokked the mic. All of this leads me to this Web site - a bastion of numbers and poll gathering likely to make the mind reel.

Pretty intense, but is it worth buying into? They're willing to call states for Obama that the folks at the MSM still claim are too close to call. Then again, they look at several polls a day and update their site every day.

Some may say their prediction that Obama has a 93 percent chance of taking the White House is a little lofty, but I'm willing to buy it. Then again, I've been accused of having more than a few tweed jackets in my closet.

When third party candidates whine

I got three e-mails over the weekend from one Merry Williams, who obviously supports Green Party candidate Cynthia McKinney's run for the White House. I'll include a short bit from one of them:

"The real drama of the presidential debates is that they're rigged to exclude all candidates except the Democratic and Republican nominees ... Voters have a right to be informed about which candidate best represents them, even if the polls and media say that they aren't 'winnable.'"

Oh, come on. Are you saying we really shouldn't look at polls and a candidate's support base when determining who makes the debate cut? Get serious. Otherwise, we'd have every joker who makes it on a few states' ballots behind a podium, delivering their ill-conceived rant and wasting everyone's time. Look at the Georgia ballot - McKinney didn't even make the cut, and she used to represent this state in Congress. At least Bob Barr got on there. I would argue that he should have been at the debates, but he doesn't have a chance of winning, either.

And that, really, is what it comes down to - who's going to win the election. It's Obama or McCain; no one else is going to be sitting in the Oval Office come Jan. 20.

So why should we capitulate to any number of third party candidates who have no chance of leading the country and will only kill air time if we allow them at a debate? With the two-party system we have, candidates such as McKinney would be better off spending their time volunteering it to a good cause, not a lost one.

Debate? Town hall meeting? Any difference?

So, I watched the second presidential debate Tuesday night. Actually, I was vaguely listening to it while playing cards, but it was streaming in the background of my PC nonetheless.

Here's what I learned: There didn't appear to be any difference in a debate or a town hall meeting. Both candidates still had their stock of prepared answers to any question given them. Both would completely avoid answering a specific question if they didn't want to, wander off into some more familiar country and the moderator would let them. And both used the opportunity to dig into the other and basically try to rally their supporters while getting new ones.

The only thing that seemed to be different was the lack of podiums. Instead, the candidates lounged against hip chairs while waiting for their turn, casually holding their microphones.

Is this the format John McCain was dying for? Did I miss something? I already miss the rough-and-tumble of the vice presidential debate, dontcha know?

And to make the whole thing that much worse, I don't feel like I learned anything. These debates don't help people decide who to vote for. It just provides more fodder for their devotees to fawn over and mishaps for the other guys to use in their blog posts the next day.

Doubleplus ungood

I don't like online political forums. Reason: they're full of partisan parrots that can't, under any reason, have an open-minded debate. I have never found a discussion online about politics that ultimately didn't dissolve into name calling, hate spewing and a general false superior sense of "I'm right, you're wrong."

How can otherwise rational people believe their side is always right and the other guy is permanently wrong? You've seen the foolishness people write. A fair example would be from the comments people wrote here about the new movie with a conservative slant: "An American Carol."

Examples: "Reviwer is obviously a liberal that can't take a joke. I'm sure that he thinks the SNL skits of Palin are funny, but you can't touch his liberal buddies, thats mean. Give me a break."

"Hmmm, Let me guess, RENE RODRIGUEZ is hmmmm, a liberal..."

"I thought it was a great movie, Rene Rodriguiz, gee, sounds Mexican to me. Maybe she just doesn't like being an American, please, be my guest, get your butt back across the border. I felt very patriotic after watching this movie, she can't, at least, not for America."

Comments such as these are just a drop in the ocean of what passes for politics online, but they show how many of us feel. You are a "liberal" or a "conservative." There are no other words that define you, and if I'm one and you're the other, I despise you.

Maybe things are this way because of how our system is built. America's a two-party system; third parties don't get the play like they do in parliamentary governments. The party system of this country is our political language; we don't have words for someone who supports gun rights and also wants gun control. What do you call the guy who supports the war in Iraq and the legalization of all drugs?

Our system isn't yin-yang; it's us versus them, and that's not healthy for any of us. We're not having a robust, worthy conversation about politics in America when we have people who want to ship all the liberals away and others who want to cook the conservatives for dinner. This is a doubleplus bad situation for everyone.

Reporter shield

"When reporters tried to leave the designated press area and head to where the crowd was seated, an escort would dart out, confront him or her and turn the person around, Times staff writer Eileen Schulte wrote on the paper's Web site. One escort, who would not give her name, told a reporter the press couldn't mingle because negative things had been written in the past, Schulte reported." - Yahoo! News

All this at a Sarah Palin rally? Say it ain't so! I'm actually astonished that the MSM would dare to write anything negative about a political candidate, question their beliefs and policies or generally act like a good reporter should.

But what is negative reporting? Asking questions a candidate can't answer? Pointing out that Barack Obama was 8 years old when the Weather Underground bombings occurred? Or is it negative to note that Obama is currently slapping McCain around at the polls?

The only problem I have with these awful reporters is that seemingly none of them slipped into the audience unnoticed and then asked Palin a question when she wasn't surrounded by handlers or protected by sycophantic supporters. At least Chelsea Clinton held her head high when she weaseled out of answering questions about her father's infidelities. Palin won't even take the tough questions without whining.

Just answer the question!

This has been ticking me off since last Thursday, when Sarah Palin just wouldn't answer certain questions during the debate. If she was trying to convince me that she's ready to step in should something happen to the president, I'm not impressed.

Call me old fashioned, but I thought the point of a debate was to answer questions posed to you by a moderator. You get a shot to speak directly to the American people during your closing statement and every day on the campaign trail, not when you either don't know the answer to a certain question or just want to go off on a tangent.

And to use an excuse that you're not going to do what the MSM or some moderator wants you to do in a debate, so you'll just talk from whatever script you're looking at is more than pathetic - it's insulting to voters. Sure, it would look bad if she were to state on live television that she doesn't have a command of certain issues and wasn't prepared, but at least it'd be the truth.

It seems that instead of the truth, Palin would prefer to discuss only the issues she's comfortable with and slander Barack Obama by trying to connect him with terrorists. If that's the best she can do, then Alaska can keep her.

Say it ain't so, Joe

Yeah, you knew there was going to be a post about the veep debate, and here it is. I caught a little over half of it from the comfort of my casa, and lemme tell ya - I'm not impressed. Thursday's debate was little more than a practice test and the results don't matter.

It'd be one thing if we learned something about the candidates; we didn't. The media made hay about Sarah Palin being in debate boot camp for the two days before the event, and what we got might as well have been straight from the book she studied from. She crammed for a test - both of them did, so why should I care what occurred in what's essentially a two-person play?

All we have to judge the candidates on from Thursday's debate is their characteristics, their speech, mannerisms, their "folksiness." Should we judge how to cast a ballot based on whether someone flubbed an answer? Is public speaking and oratory an essential trait in a good vice president? Come on. All the debate boiled down to was an opportunity for one or both of them to screw up so we could point fingers at them. They both did pretty well, so what do we do now?

Same thing we do every night, Brain - spout opinions online that we stole from talking heads and that we really don't even understand.

"I can see Russia from my house!"

I found what purports to be a web cam from Little Diomede - the Alaskan island from which you really can see Russia. Check it out here. Kind of cute, but not terribly exciting. I spent most of my time watching a building's roof, the cold water and a nearby land mass that very well may be under control by the Reds.

According to a recent CNN story, the island has about 150 people on it and most don't even know who Sarah Palin is. Zooming in from Google maps was a little frightening. Made me think of "The Thing."

Lesson learned: Stay where it's warm and vacation in Vegas.