New year, new goals

We here at Political Pork & Beans realize the cultural importance of marking each new year. Therefore, we resolve to better ourselves through a series of resolutions that we hope will make even more readers flock to this blog throughout the new year.

The following resolutions were decided upon after much debate and prayer, and were not just spit out on a lazy Dec. 31 with our legs resting on a desk as we watch the clock. The resolutions are:

Be more snarky. While PPB prides itself on our wit and witticism, we realize that sometimes we're not as snarky as we could be. Expect more offensive diatribes mocking people of all faiths, creeds and political backgrounds in the upcoming year.

Focus on more sex scandals. Everyone likes a good scandal, right? That's doubly true if there's sex involved. We resolve to write more about politicians' perversions in 2009, even if it means making stuff up.

Support more crazy beliefs. We are already staunch supporters of some pretty foolish ideas, but in the coming year we resolve to put our weight behind some really wacked out notions. These include the fair tax, third parties and the 10th Amendment.

Happy New Year.

What the Blago is going on?

Politics can sometimes be like a back-alley fight. Even in the public spotlight, and regardless of what kind of suits they're wearing, the gloves will come off.

Rod Blagojevich's recent appointment of Roland Burris to Obama's empty Senate seat is such a swipe. Blago's got his back against the wall. Enemies from both sides of the aisle are slowly, methodically advancing on him. He will lose, regardless of whether he admits to that.

But he's not going down without a few swings of his own.

The appointment serves no good purpose, except as fodder for yellow journalism blogs such as mine. Illinois' secretary of state has said he won't certify the appointment and the Senate will refuse to seat Burris, who appears to be an all-around OK kinda guy.

So, what does this whole brouhaha turn into from here? Could be a switch to a debate on race, with those who stir pots using Burris' denial to what's essentially an all-white club as an attack.

That probably won't fly. This will likely just deflect a little bit of the heat off of Blago for a short while.

Unfortunately for him, it'll come back with a vengeance and the Burris appointment will only serve as more fuel for the fire - or the swinging fists.

Beyond Thunderdome

As I've said before, news is weak the last two weeks of the year. Most people are just putting in the hours at the office or are lucky enough to be sitting at home with family or on a beach with a mistress.

However, we've got a few tidbits to look at this year - Blago's slow descent, Caroline Kennedy's desperate grasp for power and this guy's belief that America will self-destruct sometime in 2010.

Um, really? I know things are kinda bad right now but do ya really think the country will implode around June or July 2010?

This guy does, and he's even gone so far as to designate portions of the country that will divide into separate little nations. Alaska, you betcha, goes back to the Russians.

Doomsayers and seers have been around since biblical days, and they always seem to get a bit more traction when things really do look dim. Igor Panarin, however, takes a worthy swipe at some straws by noting a White House PR flak saying "no comment" to a question about his theory and a political scientist he says correctly predicted the fall of Russia 15 years before it happened.

If that makes Panarin a genius, so be it. I think it makes him a guy who honestly has a beef with America and wants a little press.

Now, if he wants to put some money on his belief then I'm up for it. Of course, our wager has to be in American dollars. This way, if I lose it doesn't really matter...

Cameflop?

When born with a silver spoon in your mouth, expect some scrutiny. Also, stop whining about the media. It's unseemly.

Case in point: Caroline Kennedy, who I suspect lounges around marble-tiled halls on Martha's Vineyard waiting for governors to anoint her a senator. Take a look at this Foxnews story, which gets to the gem of an interview with Kennedy about two-thirds of the way through:

"Have you guys ever thought about writing for, like, a woman's magazine or something?" she asked, to which the reporter countered by asking what she has against women's magazines?
"Nothing at all, but I thought you were the crack political team here," she answered.

A reporter had asked Kennedy to remember the moment she decided she wanted to be a senator, and for some reason that ticked Kennedy off. For me, it shows that she's not ready for the big time. Asking her to recall when she made the decision wasn't exactly a hard-hitting question. If that rubbed her the wrong way, I wonder what subcommittee meetings in the bowels of the Senate will do.

I think Kennedy has about as much experience in office as a third-grader in a calculus class. New York needs a senator that will work for them, not someone with a famous name who for some reason dislikes "Harper's Bazaar."

Peace and joy, come to you

And a Merry Christmas, too. At least, that's what author and famed atheist Richard Dawkins would say if he were here.

This article linked from fark has Dawkins, author of "The God Delusion," explaining his celebration of the holiday, including singing Christmas carols. And not those lame, secular carols, either. Dawkins is talking about the old school, sit-your-butt-in-a-church-for-hours type of carols.

He also likes giving gifts, but hey, who doesn't?

It should be noted that Dawkins is married to Lalla Ward, a former companion to Doctor Who in the 70s.

Whether that's evidence of a God or not, who can tell?

Christmas week roundup

Alright, Christmas is just two days away and news is getting a little slow, in my opinion. Even embattled governors like to sip some eggnog by a roaring fire and get away from the accusations for a spell.

So before the media takes a nap over the long weekend, let's see what stories we can expect to hear more on when Monday comes around:

An internal probe from the Obama camp found the president-elect's chief of staff had a few talks with Gov. Blago, but everything was completely above board. Hurmph. I guess they weren't going to come out and point any fingers, so no surprises here. I'd like to see what an outside investigation shows. Maybe we can get some good drama before Obama takes office...

And speaking about Obama drama, did ya see those photographs of him topless? Yowza. Obama walks on the beach and the paparazzi is there. Finally, we have a hot president. Will he sport the same attire in the Oval Office? If only Robb's celebrities Web site was still up...

And while half-naked photos of Obama might be stale fare by Monday, we'll probably keep hearing more on President Bush passing out pardons before he leaves office. He dished out 19 recently, though he's still way behind his predecessors.

Give him time. He's still got a few weeks left in him.

You stupid blog

Here in paradise, I have loads of free time to sit around and just surf the net, looking for whatever may come my way. It's a good life.

Because of my copious amounts of free time, I was fortunate enough to stumble across this little gem of a blog - the Rebellion Blog. Here's their cute tag explaining their wackjob beliefs:

Current events and commentary from a Southern perspective. The most powerful political forces of our time -- localism, secession, and confederalism -- vindicate the Southern Cause.

And, yes, it's written by someone with ties to Selma, Ala. How did you guess?

The views within are what I expected - a pathetic belief in secession, a hatred of a powerful federal government and a poorly veiled racism that the author tiredly tries to turn around on any and every minority he possibly can think of.

"I'm not the racist," the thought goes. "No, it's the Congressional Black Caucus. They're really the bad guys."

Yeah, and it's affirmative action and it's anything with the word "diversity" in it. He's even got a link to an article about how the current recession can be traced to minorities, so of course it's the "diversity recession."

But he's not racist. Not really, right?

These guys love spouting off their foolish arguments every chance they get. Luckily, there's less of them than there were and I optimistically believe their numbers will continue to fall.

So, good luck to you, heroes of a fallen era. Keep fighting a battle that you lost more than 100 years ago.

And I'll keep calling you stupid.