Bwhahahahah!!!!!

Statements such as these are why I love politics:

"Asked about 2012, whether she was discouraged by daily attacks on the campaign trail and whether she would return home to Alaska, the Republican vice presidential nominee signaled that she expects to be a player in the next presidential election cycle.
"I think that, if I were to give up and wave a white flag of surrender against some of the political shots that we've taken ... I'm not doing this for naught," Palin told ABC News in a taped interview airing on Thursday."

Let's get something straight - if McCain loses on Tuesday, Palin will return to relative obscurity and likely lose her governor's seat when it comes up for grabs. She will disappear into a quaint history book and only return to newspapers for the marriage of a child, a divorce and an obituary.

If he wins, fair enough. She gets an office in the White House and pretty much a guaranteed shot at running for the presidency if McCain isn't booted out after a first term. And, of course, she's got a great shot at being president, since McCain is knock, knock, knocking on heaven's door.

But things aren't looking good for McCain right now, and talking about your future political dreams days away from Nov. 4 doesn't help. We've all read the stories about Palin going rogue. Ya think they would have gotten someone to talk to her about that by now.

Funny stuff

An unabashedly pro-Obama video with a tinge of nostalgia for all the old school kids. Enjoy.

Joe the Dumber

So, Joe the Plumber has finally come out and formally endorsed McCain.

Really? Wow. I didn't see this one coming. The guy gets famous by talking to Barack Obama at a rally and then morphs into this everyman figure that McCain adopts into his campaign strategy.

Not a bad move, actually. Who can't empathize with a regular Joe who works day in and out, just trying to make ends meet? Also, who can't feel the pain of a guy who doesn't have a license to do his job and owes the government some cash from a few years back?

But if this Everyman quotation is any indication of how the average American thinks, then I think we've got a problem with reality perception:

"In a McCain rally at a flag store, Wurzelbacher said he feared that Obama would turn the U.S. into a socialist nation."

Remember, he eats babies and he's a Muslim, too!

It's a good thing this election is almost over, because I know I'm not the only one tired of these pathetic attempts to smear "that one." Welcome to the land of Social Security, food stamps and the Division of Family and Children's Services. It's still an America founded on capitalistic values.

And no matter how thin ya slice it, Joe, it's still baloney.

Are you kidding me?

How dumb is this? Two kids with a screwed up belief system get some guns, get a plan to get more guns and have a wild fantasy about killing blacks before assassinating Barack Obama.

No, really, how dumb is this? Well, I'd say it's this dumb - they're going to federal prison for so long they won't remember what the sun looks like. How about this - they won't even remember how many copies of "American History X" they own.

These guys have truly redefined stupidity. Look, I can understand that different people have various beliefs and morals. Some of them are deemed detestable by society (cannibalism, white supremacy, fans of "The Real World"), so if you have them, you'd best keep your mouth shut.

What you don't do is come up with an idea an 8-year-old could poke holes through given five minutes of thought. "Um, won't going on a multi-state killing spree clue people into your whereabouts and lead police to you?"

Then again, perhaps we want our criminals stupid, so we can catch them easier. Smart criminals lead to longer crime sprees. These guys couldn't even get out of the starting gate.

Regardless of your political beliefs, that's a good thing.

And you might ask yourself ...

...where has Alan been for the past week? Well, I decided to take a break from blogging while taking a well-deserved rest in arid Las Vegas. Activities whilst in that hub of hubris include sitting at poker tables for hours, drinking yard-long drinks and watching cable news networks.

Watching the likes of CNN and Fox News isn't something I do while in Columbus, so I consider myself a bit of a cypher when it comes to the norm. Here's what I learned: The only worthy channel is CSPAN, when they point a camera at the well of the House or Senate and let it roll. Everything else is either shameless spin, people shouting at each other or the repetition of talking points that have already been drilled into everyone's collective head. All the same tired stories are repeated endlessly, and each particular network's slant is regurgitated on a timely 10-minute cycle.

So, what to do? As voters, I'd argue we should educate ourselves instead of letting talking heads do it for us. We can discover how a particular candidate votes, what his or her policies are and how they would affect us. We don't need a biased station telling us half truths or untruths. We get enough of that already.

The reason why Opus is leaving

I was stumbling around CNN's Web site tonight and found this stunner knee deep in a series of online updates:

"according to the pool report when Obama entered the restaurant a woman screamed “Socialist, socialist, socialist – get out of here!” The woman, 54 year-old Diane Fanning was admonished by other diners and one woman yelled back “at least he’s not a war-monger.”

Are you serious? Stuff like this really ticks me off. These types of crass, uncouth attacks by people who don't know a Democrat from Lenin aren't helping anybody. Instead, it makes me realize how God awful our national discourse has become.

Fanning obviously hasn't done her homework, because she doesn't know what Obama's tax plan is. She also needs to start reading Miss Manners and figure out where to get some of her own.

It's one thing to talk smack about a national politician when you're around the water cooler, but I would hope everyone could show some humanity when they meet them in person. We're all human, and that means you should treat them as such. CNN reported that Fanning wouldn't even shake Obama's hand.

Actions like that are why America's most beloved penguin won't be around for much longer.

The Al Smith dinner

Well, I missed it again. The annual Al Smith dinner, in honor of the late, great New York governor Al Smith, was held this past week and I was busy doing actual work instead of yukking it up with the haves and have-mores. Though I did miss the foie gras, I wanted to share a few zingers that I found particularly interesting.

From McCain:

'When a reporter asked him if Senator Obama was qualified to be president, Bill Clinton pointed out, sure, he's over 35 years of age and a U.S. citizen."

"...I understand that Keith Olbermann has ordered up his very own "mission accomplished" banner. And they can hang that in whatever padded room has been reserved for him. Seriously, Chris, if they need any decorating advice on that banner, ask Keith to call me so I can tell him right where to put it."
From Obama:

"It is an honor to be here with Al Smith. I obviously never knew your great grandfather, but from everything that Senator McCain has told me, the two of them had a great time together before Prohibition. So -- wonderful stories."

"But in the spirit of full disclosure, there are a few October surprises you'll be finding out about in the coming weeks. First of all, my middle name is not what you think. It's actually Steve. That's right. Barack Steve Obama."

Ba-da-bing!

But a little more seriously, I hunted down a few stories about the dinner and had difficulty finding a specific mention that it was for a Catholic charity. Is it deliberate, an honest mistake by the media? If I was writing the story, I think I'd include what type of charity it was for. Not like the cardinal decked out in red isn't a tip off, though...