DO SOMETHING!

That's the message one of the guys from Mystery Science Theater 3000 once shouted to the movie screen during an especially bad film. The reason - nothing was going on, which is pretty bad considering we watch movies because stuff occurs in them.

Having started my post with that little jaunt, allow me now to move into Congress' meandering through a legislative prairie of stimulus slowdown. I understand that our government is built to move like a clunky machine usually only seen in anime, but sometimes they have to move a little faster than usual.

Like when people are losing jobs by the tens of thousands and our economy is dropping worse than "American Idol's" ratings. Keep the politics to yourself for a couple of days, hammer out a bill that you can't love but don't really hate and move it to the president.

Otherwise, there'll be a few more members of Congress out of a job themselves come 2010.

Don't trust anyone over $30,000 a year

Years ago, a co-worker once told me, "What's good for my boss is good for me." I wonder what the folks at Enron think about that?

Doesn't matter. What I'm griping about today is the Fair Tax, a system of taxing that I don't trust. Why? Because I don't trust rich people. If I ever become one, I'll likely still have a sketchy opinion of them.

The Fair Tax has been around for a while, but luckily hasn't reached the level of law. Neal Boortz might like it, because it's supposedly progressive and "fair." If everyone is taxed at the same level, then democracy has won!

But if Richie Rich makes $30,000 a month and has to pay $1,000 through the tax, why is that fair to the guy that makes $2,000 a month who pays the same amount for eggs and biscuits? Do you think the supposed prebate will truly offset the purchase of necessities? Do you trust the government to get that prebate to the millions of households across the country in a timely manner each month?

And then there's the problem of relying on a national sales tax to fund your government. There's no problem when times are good, but what about right now? The economy's bad, people don't buy as much and the government's revenues go down. States already have that trouble - do we really want it on the national level?

Our current tax system is definitely awful, horrible and wretched. But as clunky as it is, the federal government gets its money and continues to operate in its own unique way.

You want to kill that whole system and replace it with something Americans are completely unfamiliar with now?

Rod the superstar

Politicians always make an excellent butt for jokes, even more so when they're crooked.

Case in point - "Rod Blagojevich Superstar!" Check out a basic story here.

What's the gist? Nothing but mockery of a former politico who truly deserves it. Why do we despise Blago? Because people put into positions of high power who then abuse that power have earned the ridicule and hatred of us common folk.

Question: Is the Blago debacle worth a whole musical? I'm not the type of guy that's into musical theater, but instead prefer a more stand-up type of comedy for my yucks.

Enjoy, and may the good lord taking a liking to ya, and blow ya up real good!

Dear Cheney: @*&% off

Cheney's back, and he's got a chip on his shoulder the size of Gibraltar and he's not going to take it anymore!

Just check out this story in which Cheney, still unforgiving, patronizing and pretty much living up to his first name, talks smack about all the mistakes Obama is going to make and how it's going to destroy America, our way of life and democracy.

This sort of talk would have sent Americans into a fetal position circa 2002. In 2004, it helped Bush get re-elected. In early 2009, it sounds a little bitter, cynical and certainly out of date.

I'd make up a cute quip on the level of "Sore/Loserman," but you get the idea.

Perhaps more importantly than mocking a walking heart attack is the philosophical argument we can pull from this Cheney quote:

“When we get people who are more concerned about reading the rights to an Al Qaeda terrorist than they are with protecting the United States against people who are absolutely committed to do anything they can to kill Americans, then I worry,” Cheney said.

Is there any negative effect to the core of America if our government disregards the rights of defendants or uses clever language to get around such rights? If we call them "enemy combatants" then they aren't afforded those rights, and that's OK?

Or is worth discarding a basic tenant of liberty if it keeps the country safe? Are we compromising our beliefs?

Check out the short story "The ones who walk away from Omelas" and answer those questions.

Daschle dashed

Tom Daschle's fall from grace is a story that's been told before. There shouldn't be any surprises in at least one Cabinet pick getting knocked off. Bush had a Labor secretary pick booted because she once employed an illegal alien. She called her failed nomination "the politics of personal destruction."

I call it "politics."

Daschle's dalliances with tax deviancy likely wouldn't affect his ability as secretary of HHS. Same for Bush's pick for Labor some years ago and her alien situation. That's not the point. I believe people on that level of government regardless of party play by a different set of rules and for the most part get away with it.

It's only when they reach a little higher than their enemies would like that you hear the bad news. Would we have heard about Bush's DUI if he hadn't run for president? And, really, how many people hire illegals and nothing happens?

Tons. But not all of them want to be in the president's Cabinet.

Just to be on the safe side for all us regular folks: pay your taxes, don't hire illegal aliens and keep your noses clean (of cocaine).

In the details ...

Check out the following paragraph buried down in this Yahoo! news story:

"The massive infusion of taxpayer money into the financial sector has largely failed to thaw the nation's credit markets, while some financial institutions used the money to pay dividends, buy other banks and pay out big year-end bonuses to employees."

I once wrote, in this very blog, that we should stop our whining when it came to how the government was going to divvy up the bailout cash and put our trust in our elected leaders, because the issue was so mind-boggling insane that plebeians such as ourselves could never understand.

I still believe that. All most people did back when the bailout was discussed was winge about how they should get the money instead of big business. They didn't have a complex understanding of the intense details involved; they just wanted to cry.

But a financial institution being the recipient of these funds, and then using them to dish out big year-end bonuses is something different. That wasn't the purpose of the bailout, and we the people have every right to grab our collective pitchforks and torches and head to the castle.

(We also have the right to cry about the government giving the bailout, but that won't do you any good.)

It must be asked - what detail here was missed? Were there no strings attached to the money given that was intended to free up credit? If there were no strings, why not? Did the government just trust the banks to play nice? Why didn't they play nice? Why did they think it was appropriate to shell out large bonuses? Is this going to help the recovery of our economy?

Enquiring pitchfork holders want to know.

"You save, economy suffers"

Yah, that's the headline right now - about 5:26 p.m. EST - at the top of the page of foxnews.com. What does something like that tell the casual reader, a message such as "You save, economy suffers."

Well, it sends the message that you're a bad person for even thinking about putting some of your money away for a rainy day, even if times are economically tough. Because you're thinking about yourself and selfishly pondering the bleak future of your children, our American economy cries in a dark corner and wishes you'd spend some money at Old Navy.

So, what's the answer to get slacker Americans out of their homes and into the shopping aisles? The story doesn't give one. It's just basically one long whine-fest with quotes from people in the know peppered in.

Because the reporter couldn't be stuffed to find some people to give friendly advice, I'll do so for him. Take note: here's how to get Americans shopping again -

Give us free money. About five grand a person should do.

Riverboat casinos. Make sure you include comps for the buffet.

Cheaper prices at the movie theater. Otherwise, I'll continue downloading copies of "Sex and the City" with someone coughing throughout the whole thing.

Change the official name of American currency to "Funbucks." Easy to spend, and more fun, too.