Put it on

So, Chelsea Clinton walks into a room full of college students ... and gets asked about Monica Lewinsky's potential effects on her mother's credibility.

The news stories I've read put a gleaming positive spin on how Chel handled the situation. Quoting from one such story, the Clinton offspring responded: "Wow. You're the first person actually that's ever asked me that question in the, I don't know maybe, 70 college campuses I've now been to. And, I do not think that is any of your business."

One story said her method of dealing with the evil, sadistic and obviously immature kid (my words. heh) who asked the question showed off her family's political skills. Whatever. I think it showed off the Clintonesque inability to discern the real world from the bubble Hillary lives in.

In every two-paragraph blurb about Bill Clinton that will ever be written, the words "Monica Lewinsky" will appear. She is the equivalent of John Wilkes Booth and Sirhan Sirhan. She is forever linked to the presidency and history of Bill Clinton.

So, yes, it is an entirely appropriate and proper question to ask. Hey, I'm sorry your dad slept around with a woman only a few years older than you. But when Congress impeaches him and the proceedings take up a year of the public discourse and permanently stamp our collective consciousness with "Monciagate," it just might be OK to ask if the whole tawdry affair might affect your mom's credibility.

I think it just might be our business.

Because when you learn, you'll know what makes the world turn.

The blind leading the drugged

So, one day you're sitting in your office twiddling your thumbs because your job is a meaningless shell and the next your leading the state of New York. Who knew? What are the first few items on your new agenda?

Naturally, telling the world that you've slept around on your wife and done a little pot and coke, of course.

That seems to be the game plan for David Paterson, who since taking over for disgraced Gov. Eliot Spitzer has opened up a grab bag of deviant before God and his dog for the world to see.

As for me, I can't get enough of this stuff.

Paterson has taken a page out of former Gov. Jesse "The Mind" Ventura's playbook and realized that the best way to kill a potential scandal is to beat everyone to the punch. Slept with call girls? Done drugs? Killed freedom fighters in South America in the 80s on behalf of the U.S. government? It's all good as long as you admit it first.

As for me, I'm still checking the torrents for Kristen's "Girls Gone Wild" video. I'll keep you updated.

All bets are on

A friend of mine, we'll call him Adam, and I have a couple of bets riding on this November's presidential election. Both are contingent on Obama getting the nomination, and if for some reason he doesn't become the Dems standard bearer, we'll no doubt place new bets.

The first involves the potential of an assassin killing Obama. Apparently, both me and my friend have such a callous attitude toward human life that we're willing to put money on whether someone will die or not.

Anways, if Obama gets the nod and isn't killed by the successful election of the new president, Adam pays me $25. If he is killed, I pay him $50. I gave him odds; seriously, Obama's going to live to a ripe old age.

The second bet I have is on McCain. He's going all the way to the white residence. It hit me as I was driving to Atlanta early Friday morning, so I called Adam up and left him a message saying I'd put $20 on McCain winning the presidency. Adam would only take the bet if Obama won the nomination. Hillary, he assures me, would fail against McCain in November.

I guess we'll see.

Kristen Gone Wild

There's been some discussion over the past few days about the possibility of Kristen, the now famous (alleged) call girl who helped take down the former governor of New York, appearing naked. And when I say "discussion" I mean I was the one talking about seeing her naked.

And when I say "talking" I mean just wishing really hard about it.

Now all you Kristen-maniacs can keep your credit card debt in check - she's already been naked. News sites and blogs are reporting that Kristen, aka Ashley Alexandra Dupre, appeared in "Girls Gone Wild" videos when she was merely 18 (or so Joe Francis would have us believe).

When will this treasure trove be available to you, the viewing public? They should appear on a Girls Gone Wild Web site shortly, if it's not already there. For those of you with other means (cough, torrents, cough), start checking other parts of the web in a few days.

Move over Kristen

Just when you thought it was safe to go back to the capital...

America isn't the only country with a penchant for sexually charged political stories. Except in other countries the morally ambiguent activities of politicians doesn't necessarily mean the destruction of your career.

Take the case of Ilkka Kanerva, the Finnish Foreign Minister, whose popularity just might skyrocket after it was revealed he apparently sent some 200 texts to striptease dancer Johanna Tukiainen.

In one of those messages, he supposedly suggested a trio behind closed doors with the dancer and her sister, who specializes in films you don't want your mom you know you watch.

And now media sources are saying the whole escapade could boost his ratings and popularity. Who knew?